Soap is not a condiment
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
