she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
