discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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