I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
