you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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