Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
