Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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