So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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