Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
