went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
