You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
