i just wanna soil my oats bro
He uses pillows to masturbate.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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