It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize