He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
