There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
