HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
