Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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