Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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