Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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