She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
vagina is talking i cant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize