he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
