11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize