they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
