you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
