Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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