I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
