his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
