I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
