Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
