tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I need to calm my uterus...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
