Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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