I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
