Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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