Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
