The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
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If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
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Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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