so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
