I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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