I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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