I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
