It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
