I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
