awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
