i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
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Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
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The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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