i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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