Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
