Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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