11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
