just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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