dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize