Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
