hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
