She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
