its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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