Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
