I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my shit smells like andre
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
