I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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