roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
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Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
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he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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