Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
