i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
