Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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