Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
