Umm I'm too high to move.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
