I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
